Talent Piccard Magic

ABOUT ME..I KNOW ITS JUST ME--ME--ME!..isn't it!--ISN'T IT?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Albanian refugees. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike drum playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with ease, and I cook Thirty- Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in France,Norway and Scotland. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single- handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the best theaters in the world and I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my backyard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, I repair computers free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured Germany with a traveling centrifugal-force-Ginzo Knife demonstration. I am an excellant golfer,Except when I come to that little windmill. Animals trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Spain, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery,and got free buns and bread rolls for a month. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a Cheese Grater and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have performed open-heart surgery on myself using only a mirror and a small swiss army knife, and I have performed my magic show for Billy Joe Shaver and Willie Nelson and many other big name stars.... But I have not yet learned to juggle.