Talent Jobe

Notes on the Metaphysical Journey of progressive Disillusionment

By Jobe | 2008

Notes on the Metaphysical Journey of progressive Disillusionment
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I've wondered often, sometimes if I'd gone the wrong direction. I've made poor decisions and with consequences, but stepping above that.. Looking inside and affirming a strong moral stop-gap measure to poor decisions won't seem to come meet me.
I don't feel inclined to look so often, caught up in the evolvo-capitalism. I read the many bulletin posts, I check up on websites, I read through Wikipedia.. but I can't seem to make it work inside. Perhaps it is simple impatience, but I desire the desire to perform ambitiously in my acts. It's coming..
Some heavy load of darkness fell on myself and some of my closest friends just so recently. Why? Where did this dark wave come from? Misfortunes, troubles, nothing major.. but I don't understand how to ride against it. I feel falling into it, blind and dumb, with lot's of bad ideas and the intellect to make them happen with very little standing in my way.
I've written weird stories, lots of them.. and some seem to come true. Like I write out the future with a random accuracy, and dream tunnel visions of just a little less than I can see into that which has not occurred yet. It's just little things. Coincidences as most would say. Just as this thought comes up, the lyrics in a song playing cover the situation completely. A friend and I have the same thought, out of nowhere. I meet a stranger in a café and she tells me something I absolutely needed to hear. It seems we are synced together. Are tighter nets formed in groups of friends?

They mock in a way sometimes; the signs; at least by my ego's perception. I think fate just likes to have fun, always changing, and if you have the right eyes you can see the terribly wonderful and strange ironies so ever-present.

They make me smile.

They make me cry.

They make me look up to the sky and wonder for answers.

The numbers.. 1111, 2222, 3333, 4444, 5555. Appearing at random on clocks, microwave clocks, unplugged clocks, broken clocks and clocks set wrong.
The way, if you want to look back with me...: The way the events of our lives seem so real, they seem like they belong there.. They seem like blessings, no matter what light or dark fallacy might be attached. I am so thankful for this path. It's been such a fine journey already. I've seen things that make words like 'beauty' shutter with meaning and intensity. I've been through times that shaped who I am now. So have you. And we look back.. Doesn't it seem like no matter what transpired it was right? Right for us?
The voids in front of me and how I perceive them are so shaped by my experiences. The things of my life, the things far behind me created this person I am now. I love who I am, with all my flaws and I am so thankful for being allowed to make this epic journey.
I need to remember so often the obstacles I pushed through, the strength I gathered in doing so.. The pride in gaining knowledge, strength.. Confidence. It seems in my head and perhaps not yours, I cannot recall those strengths and those victories and integrate them into myself. They are shattered memories.. I don't know how to make them part of me. It may sound brash of me, but I feel I deserve my victories. I feel I deserve strength and confidence. But that's just me.. And perhaps I ask too much.

All I know is this.. As I walk this journey through my life, and as I pass you ones connected to me, to be my friends, allies, to be my lovers, and to vanish when our paths depart, far in the future.. I believe I will find what I seek:

I will find truth.

I will find inner-peace.

I will find love.

I will find the divine.

The divine in me and the divine of the universe.